I'm at a loss for words. Really. I am. In the past WEEK alone I have had:
- A long-time high school friend lose her beloved father.
- A very close sister and friend lose her last living grandmother. She experienced the loss of her other grandmother just a few months ago.
- One of my best friends hit the SURPRISE emotional high of thinking by Friday she might receive a long-awaited, unexpected referral of a son from Nepal--a country that has been at a complete standstill with referrals--only to find out on Friday that not only was she not getting a referral but the United States had suspended any further adoptions from Nepal.
- A conversation with a friend who is facing the second year of her husband's unemployment.
- A friend and amazing adoption encourager come home with a precious baby who is now wondering if she'll be able to be his mommy because of complexities of the case.
I'm sure I'm leaving off others as I know of so many others suffering and struggling. These were the current situations that burned the most in my heart and mind and really left me feeling so frustrated and awful and helpless and sleepless.
I so want(ed) to provide hope and encouragement and strength. I want(ed) to help. I want(ed) to impart wisdom and the truths I know to be true and yet I feel like I haven't done that at all. I don't want to sound trite or insincere. My heart feels so broken for them and, sadly, I. just. don't. know. what. to. say. IS, "I'm sorry," "I'm here for you," and "I'm praying for you" enough?
What do YOU say when you just don't know what to say?
7 comments:
Lisa, this is such a tough situation. So much sadness.
Having been on both ends I can say that I think the best thing is to offer to listen. Ask some general questions that might prompt them to talk about their situation. Let them know that you understand if they don't feel like talking, but chances are they need to. I would only offer "advice" if you feel that God is giving you something to share. Otherwise, listening is so helpful. Especially, because most people feel uncomfortable asking about things. They feel that it might make the person think about their grief. What they don't understand is that the person is always thinking about it anyway! Also, some people feel bad if they make the person cry. But, we all know that crying is healing. Sometimes they just need a safe place to do it...someone they feel secure enough to open up with.
I hope this helps you a little.
~Lynn
Oh Lisa- I think it is always best to follow your heart and say a quick prayer that God give you the right words depending on the situation b/c at times too much can be said and you can step on a friends toes and injury them with unintended words/feelings.
You know what we went through just a month ago. It was ONE of the greatest challenges I have ever encountered in my life but your love, prayers and support helped. For me, the best was to hear..."I am so sorry, what can I do for you or your family and I will be praying for you." Somedays I honestly needed help finding/figuring out physical ways of helping us though and not taking a you're sweet but no thank you for an answer.
One of the biggest lessons I learned from our situation was... as christians when we know we need help, we need to actually reach out and ask for that help from those that care for us and not be afraid to ask or interfere with someone elses life or schedule bc God put us on this earth to help each other during our times of need.
You helped me by being a friend and writing me little notes every day and letting me know you were thinking of me. I looked forward to getting those sweet messages. They made me smile and warmed my heart during a difficult time! I know they took a few moments out of your day but they were appreciated.
I think that what you are saying is just perfect. People just need to know that you care and that your heart is open if they need you. And you have said that beautifully.
My personal thought is sometimes just letting someone know you have no idea what to say and that you love them no matter what and you are there when they need you is the best you can do.I love what Lynn said... she has been a constant comfort for me in some pretty difficult situations so I would take her advice completely!!! Praying for you as you minister to your friends!
blessings,
sharon
This is a hard one. I think you just listen. Allow them to know that they have a friend who will listen to their concerns and allow them to voice their frustrations. And then pray for them and allow God to take care of the concerns they shared with you.
Big Fat Mama
I think it's okay sometimes to say n.o.t.h.i.n.g. Sometimes all a friend needs is someone to cry with them, to hug them. To understand. I think the biggest thing I took from "The Shack" is that God HURTS too. Anything & everything that crushes us and breaks OUR hearts, breaks HIS too. We NEVER have to go through ANYTHING alone. There is something safe about that and comforting...
Yes, it's ok to just say I'm sorry and I'm here for you. I have appreciated it and I love your tender heart for your hurting friends (although I didn't realize I was one of a crowd! You might want to give that warning to new friends... :)
Thank you for being there for me--I love you!
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