Thankful Thursday

~~~~~Happy Spring~~~~~

Today is the first day of spring and it is also Thankful Thursday. I feel very thankful today for many things. I am thankful for life, the newness of life associated with spring, and most of all Jesus' life, death, and resurrection which gives me the hope for eternal life with him in Heaven. I am also thankful for second chances and thought I'd share my second chance with you.

I debated about whether to write about this and have opted to. I will warn you it is highly personal and emotional for me and I'm not sure where all I'll be going with this, so please forgive me in advance for my ramblings...

On this day four years ago I was lying in a bed in ICU. It was a Saturday. The room was small and dimly lit. That didn't matter too much because I was losing my vision and could hardly see anything. I remember trying to watch (listen to) college basketball --because it was March Madness, afterall--and being concerned about the state of my brackets. I remember having visitors and talking on the phone but even that is a blur now. I also remember being scared.

The previous evening I was admitted to ICU for a very large brain tumor (assumed BENIGN) that had been waiting for a while to be discovered. I didn't get to go home after the MRI which revealed this unwelcomed visitor. I didn't get to meet my friends for the dinner we had planned, clean house, pack a bag, or shave my legs. I protested but no one seemed to listen. In an instant, my life was forever changed when the radiologist said to me, "Mrs. Osborn you have a brain tumor. I'm on the phone with your doctor and she is admitting you to the hospital right now."

By Sunday morning my neurosurgeon with whom I'd recently become acquainted decided he could no longer delay surgery. Unfortunately, I don't remember much after that. However, I am thankful for one of the memories I have. I recall being wheeled to pre-op and looking Don in the eyes and telling him I was ready to meet Jesus. I wasn't being morbid. I was feeling the amazing peace that surpasses understanding more than ever before. It was incredible. I was no longer scared. The spirit was alive in me...

The six hour surgery was completely successful and my recovery went very smoothly, too. I looked like I had been beat up and had approximately 100 staples in my head from ear to ear in the shape of a nice little headband and that really was the most uncomfortable part. There were times where it made me think of Jesus and the awful crown of thorns he had placed on his head at the time of his crucifixion. I can't even begin to imagine that pain...

I don't want to overdramatize my situation and I want to make a couple of things clear...The chance of the type of tumor I had being cancerous was close to zero and thankfully it wasn't. The type of tumor I had is also typically one of the more operable types and the risks of removing are often lower than other types of tumors. On the other hand, the tumor was quite large and had shifted quite a bit in my brain so some awful things could've happened at any time, including death.

I was so naive. When I heard the tumor was benign I hadn't really thought much about dying from it. However, the doctors and nurses kept telling me how lucky I was. What??? I really thought they said that to everyone. Then when my neurosurgeon--visiting me during a late night (early morning) round at 1:00 in the morning--told me I had been given a second chance at life, that really made an impression. Afterall, he sees the worst of the worst.

This trial I endured four years ago was such a life-changing event and a huge blessing in disguise. I remember having a different outlook on so many things after I had walked through this valley. Even though I had permanently lost some of my vision, I had a new clarity. I felt God's love, protection, and presence more than ever. I can't deny it and praise Him for it! I also felt more of a drive to strive to be a better person for Him (NOT ME). I wish I could've bottled that feeling forever. I fail all the time when it comes to living the life I should but I keep getting back up and trying. I know He could've taken me but He didn't, so I plan on trying to make the most of the time left here.

I know many of you probably have had scarier things happen in your life than this and some of you haven't. It doesn't matter, really. I think we've all had some life-changing event that makes us want to be a little better, happier, nicer, kinder, less selfish, more thankful, etc. It is my hope that on this first day of spring you will do a little spring cleaning of your heart and mind, get rid of the clutter and baggage that might be weighing you down, and commit to being a new improved person. I know I want to...

What are you thankful for today?